Who Will You Be if You Let Go?

If you’re not living the life of your dreams you probably think adding something to your life is the key.

Hands Releasing a DoveMaybe

More money.

A different job.

More clients.

More travel.

The love of your life.

A new home…

Connecting with your desire, the “what” you want, is an important piece of living your purpose. Actually it’s one of the most important pieces.

But one of the secrets to living your life of purpose is that you must let go. You may have to let go of beliefs, people, other dreams, stuff, and more stuff

The letting go process can be scary. Big scary. It can be hard work.

But it’s necessary work for moving into what’s next.

 The Care and Feeding of Stuff

You see, whatever you’re carrying around, be it physical stuff, extra weight, beliefs, ideas, or expectations, there’s tending involved. That tending takes precious time. Plus the stuff takes up, if not physical space, psychic, energetic, emotional and/or mental space.

And that time and space is space and time that can’t be taken up by new ideas, by new beliefs, a new lifestyle, a new love, or a new business.

Let Go and Then Let Go Again

First, let me say that my ex-husband is a nice man. We’ve been divorced for almost 15 years, yet I know if I needed something he’d help if he could.

But back when I was married I “knew” at some point that it was time to move on from the relationship.

The person I was at 26 was not the same person hovering on the brink of 40. Part of the leaving was about questioning my sexuality. Straight, lesbian, bi-sexual?

But there was more to it than that.

Even though I “knew” my decision, I hesitated.

Would I be alone the rest of my life? I didn’t like that idea.

Would I be able to survive on my self-employment income? I’d been self sufficient, even owning my own home, before marriage. But I had had the illusion of security in the form of a “job” back then.

Even with my fears I made my decision to leave.

Then I changed my mind.

Then I returned to my decision.

Then I got afraid again.

And so it went.

Waiting for an Epiphany

I was going to Peru and hoped for an epiphany while there. Maybe some big voice would boom from the sky. Perhaps an Incan shaman, come back for my benefit, would tell me what to do while I gazed at the Machu Picchu ruins.

The trip was wonderful. Transformational even.

But alas, No booming voice.

I returned and my decision (waffly as it was) was still to leave.

Post Reading Pissed Off

Then someone told me about a psychic that would be visiting Salem.

A really good psychic.

That was it. I would go to see her and she would tell me to leave my marriage. She would tell me about the wonderful life I would have post divorce.

The psychic, instead of telling me to leave, asked why I wouldn’t let my husband love me. Really? I wasn’t happy. I just paid for that?

She asked what would be different if I left. So I thought about the visions I’d been having of my future.

Announcement, Announcement

Could I get what felt was missing right where I was?

So I stayed. Planted some flowers. Went shopping for a new coach. We worked on the intimacy thing.

But then my body started talking to me. I had a health scare. Maybe too much info, but I had pain in my ovary and because I have a family history of ovarian cancer I listened. I can’t tell you why that scare made me decide I definitely needed to move on with my life. As I write this it seems like leap, but at the time it was a clear message for me.

 Letting Go for Good, Real Good

So I leaped.

I moved out into a little rental house by a creek. And I survived. Fast forward to today… I have a wonderful relationship with my domestic partner. We own a house on acreage with woods (for me) and a pasture (for her. Not for her to live in, but to keep her goats in.) No offense to the ex, but I’ve grown in ways I wouldn’t have if I’d stayed in my marriage.

Without letting go of my marriage, I wouldn’t have become who I am today. I’m more direct. More willing to speak my truth. Letting go wasn’t so much about leaving something, but rather about who I could become.

I’m curious if you feel the nudge to let go of something be it big (like a job or relationship) or smaller like a pile of magazines or a habit of checking your phone while talking to someone?

 Four Steps for Letting Go

  1. First name it. You can always decide to hold on if you want.
  2. Check your knowing. Do you get a clear yes? A clear no? A maybe or unknown?
  3. Get some support. This can be a great time to get coaching. With coaching you come up with the answers. The right questions from a coach can be oh so helpful.
  4. Sign up for the 40-day challenge. It’s especially for women entrepreneurs. But if you feel called and you’re not in that category, sign up anyway.