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For some time I’ve wanted to make a contribution to my community on Christmas day. I found offerings that happen around the holiday, but not on the 25^th.

So I gave up.

One Woman

But this year my friend Kristel posted on Facebook that she was going to distribute stuff to the homeless on Christmas day. All by herself. She had the impulse and she was acting on it. A quick post to her page and I was in!

Kristel had decided to make something happen and that something quickly became bigger than just her. Even as we cleaned out our coat closets and shopped for food and personal items others offered to help.

Five of us put together 30 kits and organized bags of donated sweaters, coats, and personal care items. Lifesource the local health food store, gave me a gift card so I could get appropriate food. My friend Katherine bought food, sterno, and personal care items. Other friends of Kristel’s jumped on board. Her co-workers contributed.

 Project Burrito

I also learned of Kathy and her Project Burrito. She and her group of volunteers cook breakfast burritos and distribute clothes, hand warmers, and other needed items to the homeless on Christmas morning. Kristel’s posse, now seven people, joined up with about 15 other volunteers at 8 in the morning under the Marion Street bridge, a place near the local men’s mission and a park frequented by the homeless.

Since most of the volunteers stood behind the tables laden with donations helping to keep the tables neat, replenishing the items, or serving coffee or burritos I decided to mingle among the homeless.

After saying Merry Christmas I’d ask them if there was anything in particular that they were looking for and then help them find it. One man I spoke with was elated to find a belt. Another wanted candles (he was happy with the sterno) for heat and light. My partner saw a man setting on a bench in the adjacent park, a big smile on his face, putting on his pair of new socks. A gentleman with twinkly blue eyes simply smiled and said, “This IS Christmas.”

My Takeaway

I help people live their purpose. Sometimes that means getting clearer about what their purpose is. Sometimes it means helping people figure out how to take action, to get rid of what’s blocking them. And other times it’s about finding a way to take care of themselves in a way that supports their purpose rather than sabotages it.

For me the message in this experience was that one person, like my friend Kristel or Kathy the burrito lady, can make a huge difference by acting on their desire to help.

I’m taking that realization into the New Year as I plot my course for the coming year.

If you’re like a lot of people you’re at least thinking about how you want 2015 to be different. You might be putting together intentions or a plan for the coming year.

Your Dream?

I invite you to include something that you feel inspired to do as you look ahead. Maybe your idea has seemed too big. Maybe you hit a roadblock when you started. And maybe you worry about what others will think. I encourage you to move past the things that get in your way.

1. First name and claim it. Share your idea with one of your cheerleaders. You can share it here. Wouldn’t that be a great, bold step? I’ll cheer you on.

2. Next decide on a baby step. One little step. Commit to it here and you’ll be that much closer to your dream.

Kathy told me that the Christmas morning group served 75 burritos, 120 cups of coffee, and gave away 20-25 gift bags and backpacks with personal items, food, and/or clothing. One man told me there was nothing he needed. He was happy simply to have wandered into the event and been part of it.

So what about your idea? What can you accomplish?

You need a plan, right? But here’s the deal. If you get too attached to “your” plan rather than the “bigger” plan (call it God’s or the universe’s or divine order…) you can actually make things harder.

Maybe I should speak for me. When I get too attached to “my” plan and forget that there’s a larger plan I make things harder and decidedly less fun for myself. Do you find this to be true too?

The Jury Summons
Monday I showed up at the courthouse for jury duty. I don’t know what it is about Marion County, Oregon where I live, but they love to send me jury summons. I know people who never get called. But I get one every cycle. Maybe because I show up and I don’t tell them things that make them think I’m a whacko. (Seriously, if you want to get out of jury duty tell them you would kill anyone who abused your child. Yep, that means you won’t get picked.)

And We Wait
Day one was about waiting. And more waiting. The guy in the jury assembly room said he’s never had a group in the assembly room so long. They finally moved us into a courtroom for jury selection after 3 ½ hours. I figured I’d be out by lunchtime.

By 2:00 they finally dismissed those who wouldn’t be on the jury. But unfortunately they’d called my name for this 3-day trial.

I spent the lunch hour cancelling my Tuesday class and rescheduled my coaching and massage appointments for the next couple of days. Not excited about the prospect of listening to stories of meth, abuse, and identity theft, but I didn’t see a way out.

A Reframe
Two of my friends who are attorneys gave me a more positive spin. One said, “Important and powerful work.” The other said how lucky I was to serve and how lucky we are to have the justice system we have in the U.S. I felt less cranky.

Day one ended with a bit of education about our job and we were dismissed. Really? I’m thinking we should get started, but hey, they weren’t asking for my input.

And More Waiting
Day two we were to be there no later than 8:25 with an 8:30 start time. By 9 we’d been brought into the courtroom and then back into the waiting area. False start. And the waiting continued.

About 10 we went back in, heard opening arguments. Well, for a little while. We did get exercise as when there was an objection they would parade us back into the waiting room.
And then we got a “10-15 minute” morning break that lasted for an hour. Finally we got to listen to a witness. It was getting exciting now. Well, not really exciting. Mostly sad. Some people lead really sad, dark lives.

By noon, part way into the prosecutors questioning of witness one, we were dismissed for lunch. Again, I’m thinking really? We just got started.

Back at 1:15 we waited some more. Now I’m getting stressed. With 17 charges against the defendant and six more witnesses I couldn’t see how this was going to be over by Wednesday afternoon. Especially with the frequent breaks.

If we had just been facing loss of income and productive time it would have been stressful, but because the system felt so inefficient with all the waiting and breaks (and I abhor inefficiency) my stress level rose. Every time I felt my mind wandering to whether I should go ahead and cancel my Thursday yoga class and appointments I would take a deep breath, relax my shoulders, and feel better. For a few minutes.

A Bigger Plan
Finally I stopped reading and felt into what I was supposed to learn. I’d been reading a chapter about resistance. Interesting choice, huh? I realized the more I resisted what was happening, the worse I felt. When I finally surrendered and affirmed to myself that I was supported and just not aware of the divine plan I relaxed.

At 4:00, about ½ later, they called the jury back in to the courtroom. We’d been waiting since post lunchtime. Finishing by Wednesday afternoon seemed highly unlikely. The judge announced that because one of the witnesses was unable to testify due to a health issue they were declaring a mistrial and we were dismissed. Just like that I was free.

My Takeaways:
1. Any stress or issues I have are peanuts. Really not significant. I have physical and mental health, a loving family and friends, freedom, and financial abundance.
2. I am supported. When I get out of my own way, magic happens.

I send light and love to the victim, defendant, their children and families. Oh, and the judge, attorneys, and deputy. Those people work hard. Blessings to them all.

If you see me struggling you have permission to suggest I surrender to the divine.

And how about you? Are there places where surrendering to something larger would serve you? Do you ever block your success and health by trying to control things? I so appreciate the comments and feedback you send me. Really helps to know I’m not writing into the void. Would love it if you would share here too.

Self-care isn’t something that’s nice to do.

It’s essential.

I’ve known that for some time. True in my own life and that of my clients. But I’ve been quiet about some of the services I offer. Afraid to promote too heavily. Afraid of rejection. But all that changed for me about a month ago.

On a Sunday a friend who’s an author and international trainer had a stroke. This woman, a key figure in her industry, has touched the lives of many. Today she’s relearning to walk, do laundry, use a computer…

On that Tuesday another friend, a man with a brilliant mind and big heart, passed away after an 8 month dance with cancer. His kindness and belief in me were life changing when I was in my 20’s. His professional life was all about being an advocate for those in vulnerable situations.

On that Thursday his wife, my best friend from college and the maid of honor at my wedding, received her first chemo treatment for ovarian cancer. My friend was a social worker. Currently she works as a nurse practitioner in an emergency room. If you’ve ever complained about a health care practitioner without people skills you can appreciate how important this woman with skills in nursing AND counseling is to her community.

Big Heart, Brilliant Minds

The world needs people with big hearts and brilliant minds. We need the gifts, the life purpose, of these creative and caring souls.

I can’t say that if any of them had made different choices they would have avoided the events of that week. But I do know that people of a caring nature, the massage therapists, coaches, teachers, social workers, artists, etc. I work with often neglect themselves in the pursuit of helping others.

They skimp (or skip) on their workouts. They work late in order to help someone. They eat a fast food meal because they’re too tired from giving, giving, giving.

Yes, I’m talking about others, but I fall victim to this pattern as well sometimes. Thinking that finishing a project is more important than getting to bed. Telling myself I need to work “just a little longer” when what I need is to walk. When I pay attention and take care of myself it always serves me.

My takeaways from that week:

• Take good care, really good care of the precious body, mind, spirit that you’ve been given.
• If something’s important to you spend time with it. Friends, family, your pets, a favorite hobby, your purpose in life…
• I need to be bolder about my message. I’ve stayed too hidden. I need to let people know how I can help. My genius is in helping people with a passion sink firmly into their purpose in a way that is sustainable. I can help them get out of overwork and overwhelm and onto a path that gives them energy and wellness. All while still doing the thing that they’re meant to do.

How about you? What can you commit to doing this week in service of your wellness and your purpose? Commit to it here!

If you’re not living the life of your dreams you probably think adding something to your life is the key.

Maybe

More money.

A different job.

More clients.

More travel.

The love of your life.

A new home…

Connecting with your desire, the “what” you want, is an important piece of living your purpose. Actually it’s one of the most important pieces.

But one of the secrets to living your life of purpose is that you must let go. You may have to let go of beliefs, people, other dreams, stuff, and more stuff

The letting go process can be scary. Big scary. It can be hard work.

But it’s necessary work for moving into what’s next.

 The Care and Feeding of Stuff

You see, whatever you’re carrying around, be it physical stuff, extra weight, beliefs, ideas, or expectations, there’s tending involved. That tending takes precious time. Plus the stuff takes up, if not physical space, psychic, energetic, emotional and/or mental space.

And that time and space is space and time that can’t be taken up by new ideas, by new beliefs, a new lifestyle, a new love, or a new business.

Let Go and Then Let Go Again

First, let me say that my ex-husband is a nice man. We’ve been divorced for almost 15 years, yet I know if I needed something he’d help if he could.

But back when I was married I “knew” at some point that it was time to move on from the relationship.

The person I was at 26 was not the same person hovering on the brink of 40. Part of the leaving was about questioning my sexuality. Straight, lesbian, bi-sexual?

But there was more to it than that.

Even though I “knew” my decision, I hesitated.

Would I be alone the rest of my life? I didn’t like that idea.

Would I be able to survive on my self-employment income? I’d been self sufficient, even owning my own home, before marriage. But I had had the illusion of security in the form of a “job” back then.

Even with my fears I made my decision to leave.

Then I changed my mind.

Then I returned to my decision.

Then I got afraid again.

And so it went.

Waiting for an Epiphany

I was going to Peru and hoped for an epiphany while there. Maybe some big voice would boom from the sky. Perhaps an Incan shaman, come back for my benefit, would tell me what to do while I gazed at the Machu Picchu ruins.

The trip was wonderful. Transformational even.

But alas, No booming voice.

I returned and my decision (waffly as it was) was still to leave.

Post Reading Pissed Off

Then someone told me about a psychic that would be visiting Salem.

A really good psychic.

That was it. I would go to see her and she would tell me to leave my marriage. She would tell me about the wonderful life I would have post divorce.

The psychic, instead of telling me to leave, asked why I wouldn’t let my husband love me. Really? I wasn’t happy. I just paid for that?

She asked what would be different if I left. So I thought about the visions I’d been having of my future.

Announcement, Announcement

Could I get what felt was missing right where I was?

So I stayed. Planted some flowers. Went shopping for a new coach. We worked on the intimacy thing.

But then my body started talking to me. I had a health scare. Maybe too much info, but I had pain in my ovary and because I have a family history of ovarian cancer I listened. I can’t tell you why that scare made me decide I definitely needed to move on with my life. As I write this it seems like leap, but at the time it was a clear message for me.

 Letting Go for Good, Real Good

So I leaped.

I moved out into a little rental house by a creek. And I survived. Fast forward to today… I have a wonderful relationship with my domestic partner. We own a house on acreage with woods (for me) and a pasture (for her. Not for her to live in, but to keep her goats in.) No offense to the ex, but I’ve grown in ways I wouldn’t have if I’d stayed in my marriage.

Without letting go of my marriage, I wouldn’t have become who I am today. I’m more direct. More willing to speak my truth. Letting go wasn’t so much about leaving something, but rather about who I could become.

I’m curious if you feel the nudge to let go of something be it big (like a job or relationship) or smaller like a pile of magazines or a habit of checking your phone while talking to someone?

 Four Steps for Letting Go

1. First name it. You can always decide to hold on if you want.
2. Check your knowing. Do you get a clear yes? A clear no? A maybe or unknown?
3. Get some support. This can be a great time to get coaching. With coaching you come up with the answers. The right questions from a coach can be oh so helpful.
4. Sign up for the 40-day challenge. It’s especially for women entrepreneurs. But if you feel called and you’re not in that category, sign up anyway.

I invited the participants in my recent Mexico yoga retreat to bring along some school supplies for Majahua, the local village. I’d seen the school and the poverty and knew they could use them.